Woah, I can't believe my good ol' lj still exists! Maybe I'll have to start using it again... Well, probably not.
Okay. I'm moving to France on February 11th. I've been working on getting a visa for about 3 months! I was suppose to have arrived in France January 1st, but the God forsaken process has not allowed this! Anyway, after getting everything approved with the DDTEFP I was finally able to apply for my visa through the French Consulate in L.A. So I sent my forms away last Thursday! Here (in an email sent to the mother of the Au Pair family) I explain what my experience with the French Consulate:( Please tell me all French people aren't like this...Collapse )
So what the hell?? Someone please explain to me the attitude!
So! I have pretty much survived my month in Mexico! Today is my last full day, I fly out tomorrow. I say "pretty much survived" because I don't know what might happen tonight! I'm supposed to go to this African themed club... it'll be crazy. Also, I fell down like 20 billion times on this trip. I have no idea why. My legs look like a war zone though... with the scraps and misquito bites.
I'm excited to go home! But also a little scared. I don't want my life to be like it was when I left. And I'm afraid I'll fall back into it with no hope of an escape because I wont have a Mexico trip to look forward to... but I guess I do kind of know that it wont be like before. I've changed on this trip. I'm not sure how, but I'll notice it better once I get back.
Anyway, I can't think of much else to say about this experience right now... when I get back, I'll have some pretty good perspective on life. Especially men. Never ever, ever again will I do anything for a man who doesn't deserve me.
I think I'll like being independant.
I'm leaving for Mexico on Saturday. I'll be gone for a month. I haven't been gone that long since I was thirteen... sad, I know.
In my soul I know that I'm terrified. But I'm so determined that I won't even let myself truly realize it. I keep saying "I'll be fine." And I know it's true, so what's the point of letting doubt in my own abilities creep through?
I'll be staying in Cuernavaca, it's about an hour or so from Mexico City. It's a really nice area apparently. An upper class city of wealthy Mexicans. I'll be staying with a family and going to school to learn Spanish. In the evenings I'll be volunteering and learning about Latin culture, etc. And then on weekends I'll be going on "excursions" to famous Mexican landmarks. All-in-all, it should be fun.
Why am I doing this? You might be asking yourself this. Well, because of a man. Why else do I do anything?
I haven't even logged in for at least a month! Silly me. I don't actually have anything to say right now, I just wanted to point that out.
I'm turning 21 in exactly 2 weeks. Any one of my beloved and long-lived livejournal friends who would like to come to Boulder, Colorado on June 8th and drink a legal margarita with me at the Rio, is very welcome to do so.
Or we can just pretend, if you love me less than a plane ticket costs!
Thu, Jan. 3rd, 2008, 04:33 pm
"I feel as though nothing exists but us right now..."
Leeta said to me on LJ about 3 and half years ago. I like it.
I love reading about everyone's reflections of 2007. I love being in this moment where the whole world seems to be in a collective moment of death and then rebirth. As if the change in year has put a physical change on all of us as well. And everyone says basically the same things about their year, and for some reason we all seem vaguely surprised that their ups-and-downs were so similar to our own... as if we subconsciously suspected that no one else but ourselves could have experienced such happiness or pain.
It makes me feel human to share in this one, big ending and then beginning again. Odd as that sounds to say that I feel human... but really, I am reminded once again that I am not an island, and that no one is ever really alone in anything they do. What I go through, and what you go through, we unwittingly go through together.
So Happy New Year everyone! But in stead of wishing you "luck" for the new year, I wish you strength in the inevitable hardships and happinesses that 2008 has in store for us! ... Bring it on.
If it wasn't cold
I would go out for a walk.
An old-fashioned walk.
Right now I feel very... Enlightened? Liberated? Mature? Something like that. I don't really know exactly what though. I feel like I have reached one of those points that is very clearly in between. In between what has been and what could be. It's a time of rest, impatience, and also forgiveness. Mainly forgiveness for things that time took care of. Would you say that a year and a couple months is enough time to get over something? I guess it depends on what the thing was... but here's why I'm thinking about this! I should probably just stop being so cryptic and just say it... Wait, no, I can't! I feel like I have talked about this too much on this livejournal. I don't think any one really cares. But then again, if no one cares, then I guess they wouldn't care if I kept on talking about it. But I guess I just don't want to... But I do really want too!
Whatever, I am just gonna keep being cryptic. So I had this dream last night involving an old friend. I was at the BDT, doing bus captain-ish things, ordering people around, etc., etc. When all of the sudden this particular person was just walking across the dining room towards me. And I was SO excited that he had come to visit me! So much so that I was surprised by my happiness at seeing him! He looked so different. So much older in a kinder and mature sort of way. And just all around happy. We talked about stuff. Like stuff we should have talked about a long time ago but never did because we were both too immature, probably, to say whatever it was that we really wanted. But we kept it short and sweet... and it was just perfect! He told me what his plans for the future were and I told him mine, and then we hugged and I could smell his distinct smell so clearly and it was a wonder feeling just to experience the knowing of his smell... so familiar and yet so renewed.
It was bittersweet though, because I guess it didn't really happen... but all the same I feel like I have a new idea of this man. And not just of this man, but what he represents. A whole chapter of my life that I had resolved not to deal with and to just ignore until time had given me enough space to do so. So I'll ask it again... Is a year and a couple months enough time to get over something?